Mistaken Identity

Oh, you know I love it when people say I look like other people because it’s always off the mark and disturbing. I’ve heard it all. In fact, James torments me by saying I look like Tony Siragusa because he knows it drives me nuts. I can’t even recall how that started, but there’s nothing like being compared to a 400 pound guido.

Last month the woman who hands out the paychecks (well, direct deposit receipts) told me that I look like the office manager in Chicago. That didn’t sound so hot. Are office managers ever good looking? (Sexy office managers are encouraged to convince me otherwise.) I desperately tried finding a photo somewhere on the intranet, but it was tough because I didn’t even have a name to go by. It’s probably for the best that I don’t see this person because they’re probably a Siragusa.

Today in the elevator an employee I barely know, but who has driven me insane in the past asked, “Do you watch Grey’s Anatomy”? No, I don’t, and I wasn’t sure if I liked where this was going. She replied, “you look just like that new character.” Ok, scared again, but not that scared because TV characters are rarely super hideous. Even when someone’s supposed to be fat and/or ugly, it’s just Hollywood fat and ugly, which means they’re still attractive by normal people standards.

Yeah, I had a shitload of work to do, but finding out who the hell the new Grey’s Anatomy actress is was more pressing. The bios were all just the usual suspects, so I headed to the message boards for chatter about fresh meat, and easily found my target. I can only guess that the character in question is Dr. Torres because there’s a thread that’s going to town over whether she looks refreshingly healthy or like a fat pig. Choice posts: “she's cool…looks very nice and would probably not cry when she is having sex” or “she is fat and big boned, pretty nasty, cant they find some hot latina actresses? she was pretty offensive.”

Of course I was dying to see if Sara Ramirez was big boned and nasty or someone who wouldn’t bawl while fucking, or hell, both. Ok, people are nuts because she’s totally cute and completely un-obese. However, I wouldn’t necessarily say that I look like her. But at least it was more of a compliment than an insult (at least I think). I don’t really look that Hispanic, no one ever makes the connection between my last name and any ethnicity whatsoever.

It was a not so covert secret that my previous boss wouldn’t interview anyone with a surname that wasn’t distinctly Anglo-Saxon/Germanic. We’d have a field day when hiring a new employee and specifically emphasize resumes with obviously Chinese or Indian names to get a reaction out of her (um, they didn’t get interviews). At some point I mentioned my dad being Mexican and everyone seemed surprised. I was like “where do you think the Garcia came from”? This boss said, “oh, Garcia is like Smith,” as in it’s so commonplace that it’s not “ethnic.” I feel about as interesting as a Smith, so maybe she was wiser than I ever gave her credit for.