Captivating, Isn’t It?

Maybe you have them in your office building too, but the mini TV screen that gives you completely random news headlines and the time in the elevator is totally new to me. I do like it for the time because I don’t wear a watch and I only vaguely know if I’m late or not (it makes no sense because I always leave the house between say, 8:15 and 8:20 but I can arrive at work anywhere from 9:00 to 9:30, like yesterday the V never came and I had to walk two stops and was consequently late. No one ever says anything here, if only because I’m next to invisible and sit where no one sees me, which might be the only perk of this job) but there’s something insidious about the news coverage, and even more insidious about the company producing it called Captivate Network. No matter how many times I remind myself, I still think it’s Captive Network because they’ve totally got you trapped.

So, today I was in a rotten mood, which later (as of a few minutes ago) turned into a I-don’t-really-give-a-shit mood (it’s really weird how when you don’t care about the impression you make, how assertive you can be. This is novel to me because I’m always very passive and internally angry in the workplace and well, everywhere, and now I’ve started doing things like being super direct, vocal and critical, and I think it actually gets results. I don’t know why it’s so hard to be aggressive rather than defeatist) and I was pissed while waiting for an elevator because two came at the same time on opposite sides and I was dumb and didn’t look and started to get on the up one, backed out and then missed the down one and had to wait for another. At least I was alone on the one that eventually came, which was good because I started laughing out loud at the blurb on the Captivate Network.

There was a paragraph about the recent Bureau of Labor Statistics report and how librarians were leaving the profession “en masse” due to retirement and how there would be a shortage in the near future and that the median salaries for librarians is “nearly $47,000.” How near is nearly? Is $25,000 nearly? $38,000? That’s just sad because I fall fairly close to the nearly number but I’ve only had my degree a year and a half. This figure accounts for all levels and years of experience in the U.S.? God forbid, I’m 50 and still making shit. And they wonder why the profession is going the way of nuns, where they have to recruit from third world countries? At least nuns explicitly take an oath of poverty, and aren’t they like serving a higher purpose? Performing research isn’t charity work.

And it’s weird because in the past couple years I’ve come across countless people who are considering or who have enrolled in library school. At every party there will be a girl (and yes, it’s always a female) who says she wants to be a librarian or is already in the process. But I think that’s a NYC pauvre hipster caché thing. I don’t think mainstream America thinks there is anything sexy or cool about librarianship. But for the time being, I’d better start fooling myself into believing it because I don’t think I’m going anywhere any time soon.

I’ve been victimized by two hiring freezes in totally different industries since 2006 began. I didn’t really think the NY Post thing would pan out into a full time gig, I’m a skeptic for a reason. But I think I am going to start helping out with editing the paper every couple Sundays so I can get more solid newsroom experience.

I’m afraid to look for a recent past entry about how normally nondescript guys kept grabbing my attention because I just know it’ll be from a month ago, totally cyclical. Nature is so disgusting and inescapable. This morning it was happening again. I started having impure thoughts about random average looking men on the street, on the internets, everywhere. I have to find that study about women preferring squarer-jawed, muscular men while ovulating and softer featured gents otherwise because it’s just plain creepy. But that’s not my thing. Earlier, I got hot for some floppy haired '80s looking guy that I would normally scowl at. I get monthly bouts of bad taste. Thank god I’m not single and drunk because I’d inevitably do something regrettable. But then again, I’m not married, so one of these days I might give in to a gross impulse. I’ll be sure to let you know.