Babies R Us
I thought I’d lost it when I started using Twitter. Now I realize that was only the first step into a downward time-sucking social networking spiral. Yesterday, I did the truly unthinkable and joined Facebook. […]
Tragedies
I See Dead Penises
In my day, grown child stars simply robbed video stores and died of drug overdoses or crippled passengers in quaalude-fueled car crashes. Now we have college-aged Haley Joel Osment drawing phalluses in snow-topped cars in […]
Waxing On Waxing Off
Declaring something to be back when it’s never fully disappeared means one of two things: the declarer is young and/or only acquainted with a homogeneous group or I’m just hopelessly out of it. Last month’s […]
American Tragedy
I’m not one those people who boo hoos about Americans butchering beloved sitcoms from around the world. I don’t even want to be someone who talks about tv, but while on the subject…Absolutely Fabulous?! Why […]
APB On a Missing Table Skirt
I am old. It's official. I just wrote (ok, emailed–I'm not 80) a letter to the editor of The Gresham Outlook, my hometown paper. And it's not as if I don't have a million genuinely […]
Silver Foxes
On more than one occasion I’ve wondered why there are no female Jack Blacks or Tony Bourdains and now I’m miffed by the absence of lady Anderson Coopers (hell, I’ll even take Taylor Hicks). Yes, […]
The Sweet Smell of Success
I think I just reached the pinnacle of laziness. I was curious what Bond no. 9’s Chinatown perfume smells like (this thought occurred to me in 2005 when it was new and only now popped […]
Nine Lives Ago
I just found out that my Portland Siamese cat, Lit’l Smokey, died this weekend. She was older than I realized, probably 13 ½. I got her way back in fall of 1994, the year I […]
Walk Into My Fist
Next to the myth of people (women) claiming “I eat whatever I want” when you know good and well that they don’t, the next most irrational anger inducing is that simply walking will melt away […]
A Little Ray of Sunshine
I’ve always had a fascination/repulsion with sea creatures because they’re so damn creepy. Whales have always given me the heebies, nessie goes without in saying. In the ‘90s it was manatees. Natural bodies of water […]